CTVA US Music Variety - "The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast" (NBC)(1973-79)(1984)

CTVA
The Classic TV Archive - US  Music Variety

Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin Movies (together)
Dean Martin Movies (without Jerry)  -  Jerry Lewis Movies (without Dino)
Colgate Comedy Hour (NBC)(1950-55) most episodes hosted by Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis
The Dean Martin Show (NBC)(1965-74)
Dean Martin Celebrity Roast (1973-79)(1984)
Episode Guide compiled by The Classic TV Archive
with contributions by: Rina Fox
references:
TV Guide / Library of Congress (telnet://locis.loc.gov)
Internet Movie Database (http://us.imdb.com)
UCLA Film and Television Archive

 ---------------------------
DEAN MARTIN CELEBRITY ROAST
---------------------------
NBC

Host Dean Martin

US Music Variety Series 1973-79, 1984 54 episodes

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 1 1973-74 ##############
##############################################

[01] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: RONALD REAGAN
13Sep1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland
Dean roasts Ronald Reagan
Guests:
Jack Benny
Jackie Vernon
Audrey Meadows
Pat Henry
Phyllis Diller
Don Rickles
Mark Spitz
Jonathan Winters (as Maude Frickert)
Dom DeLuise (as Justice Angelo Beducci)
Nipsey Russell (as Donald Reagan)
Rita Coolidge
Kris Kristofferson
Nancy Reagan
Highlights:
Dean Martin sings “Sitting on Top of the World" and “Smile”.
Dean Martin joins Rita Coolidge and Kris Kristofferson for a medley of country songs.
Dean Martin tries to break Mark Spitz of his milk drinking habit.

Dean Martin: For years he was on the TV on "Death Valley Days", where every week he worked with a team of mules. From
there he stepped into something soft, politics. In all his picture career he never made an X-rated movie, his pictures
were rated "M" you couldn't get in to see one unless you were accompanied by a moron. His movies were so bad they were
shown at drive-outs.
Phyllis: If you ever get to be President and I think you may and there's a depression, try not to have it at a bad time
like when everybody's out of work.
Jack Benny: Ladies and gentleman I would like to say that Greg Garrison the producer of this show told me I only have
four minutes to talk. That's impossible I stare longer than that.
Ronald Reagan: I've listened to the entire show and the best thing I can do to show my appreciation to all of you, is
to invoke executive priviledge, I refuse to release the tape. I know that you all realize that I might having to tell
you in the job I have, I have to make a great many decisions and let me just say about the decision I made in regard
to tonight, with hindsight to the best of my recollection, at this point in time, I really goofed. [RF]

[02] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: HUGH HEFNER
20Sep1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland
Dean roasts Hugh Hefner
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Billy Baxter, British comedian
Howard Cosell
Audrey Meadows
Jackie Gayle
Dick Martin
Loretta Lynn
Tom T. Hall
*
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Choreography Ed Kerrigan
Costumes by Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Barbara Searles
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Co-ordinator Mack Gray
Production Co-ordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan & Lynne Voeth
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Manager Bob Chic & Ted Baker
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "There’s a Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder" and "The Glory of Love".
Dean Martin, Dick Martin, Joey Bishop perform "Little Tin Box".
Dean Martin, Loretta Lynn and Tom T. Hall perform a Country medley.
Sportscaster Howard Cosell announces a blow-by-blow account of an argument between a husband and wife (Dean Martin and
Audrey Meadows).
Dean Martin also plays a disillusioned husband who's growing tired of his group marriage.
Dean Martin: It's really an honor for me to be on the dais, it's an honor because I'm usually under the dais. Hugh is
a real success, he has the Playboy Clubs all over the country and you gotta give the guy alot of credit, actually he
started out with only two bunnies, but you know how bunnies multiply. Hugh is really an American success story, as a
boy he picked himself up out of the gutter, unfortunately he left his mind there. I tell ya this guy leads a real
swinging life, I was up at his mansion once and I saw his bedroom, he gets so much action he's got the only waterbed
with whitecaps.
Jackie Gayle: Dean you've come along way from Steubenville when you thought kung-fu was an Italian curse word.
Dick Martin: Hugh Hefner is a man who found out at an early age that life begins at 40 ... 26-36.
Joey Bishop: Will you tell me what it is your looking forward to? (bends down Hugh whispers in his ear) Your kidding
with Totie Fields. [RF]

[03] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: ED McMAHON
27Sep1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Ed McMahon
Guests:
Ernest Borgnine
Dom DeLuise
Pat Buttram
Jackie Vernon
Dionne Warwick
Steve Landesburg
Charo
Jack Carter
Charlie Rich
Doug Dillard

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "Return to Me".
Dionne Warwick sings "You'll Never Get to Heaven".
Ernest Borgnine plays a door-to-door "Ravon" salesman who stops at Dean's house.
Ernest Borgnine and Dean Martin are frantic robbers trying to hold up Dom DeLuise's butcher shop. [RF]

[04] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: WILLIAM CONRAD ("Cannon")
04Oct1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Tom Tenowich
Dean roasts William Conrad
Guests:
Phyllis Diller
Nipsey Russell
Petula Clark
Bob Newhart
Jackie Gayle
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Choreography Ed Kerrigan
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Barbara Searles
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director John Freschi
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "C'est Magnifique".
Petula and Dean duet in a medley of "Top of the World", "The Good Times" and "It's a Good Day".
In a mix-up, Bob Newhart makes arrangements to bury his deceased uncle in a pet cemetery.
In a bar sketch, Bob Newhart plays a friendly, but intoxicated, customer.

Dean Martin: Well tonight our Man of the Week is Mr. William Conrad, which gives you an idea of what kind of week
it's been. We were originally going to honor Howard Cosell but he's been confined to bed with a faulty toupee.
We were also considering Mr. Danny Thomas but he had a little accident while taking his daily walk on the water,
he was hit by a fishing boat. However tonight we are paying tribute to a very fine actor, the star of a great series
called "Cannon" which is my favorite detective show and I tell you last week they had a really thrilling episode
Cannon singlehandedly wiped out a crime syndicate, he sat on them. I don't know if you know this but William played
Matt Dillon on the radio version of "Gunsmoke", it's true, when they made the TV version of "Gunsmoke" they couldn't
use Bill they had a little problem, they couldn't fit his horse with a truss. Even when Bill served in the War as
a fighter pilot he had problems, he was too heavy, once they got in the plane and they couldn't get it off the ground,
he had to drive it to Tokyo.

Phyllis Diller: How would you describe William Conrad? A fat Robert Goulet with mumps. The only thing thin about him
is his hair. When he runs it looks like a mattress moving. When he clears that wonderful voice of his, it sounds like
a motorboat that won't start. One time the coast guard found him in the Pacific Ocean, just his head and shoulders
were sticking out of the water, they said, "Can we help you?", he said, "No I'm on my boat". Now this man turned down
"Gunsmoke" on television and now he has the guts to say that this turkey "Cannon" is going to run 5 years.

Nipsey Russell: Thank you Dean, oh your going to drink to him, that's alright, I know Dean if the Klu Klux Klan would
buy the booze, you'd drink to slavery. [RF]

[05] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: KIRK DOUGLAS
11Oct1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland
Dean roasts Kirk Douglas
Guests:
Ted Knight
Norm Crosby
Burns & Schreiber (Jack Burns, Avery Schreiber)
Rich Little
Lynn Anderson
Jackie Gayle
Don Rickles
Tim Conway
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin, Lynn Anderson and Ray Price perform "The Sun is Shinin’," "Make it Rain," "Sing About Love" and
"You're the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me".
Tim Conway plays his old man character who appears to move in slow-motion.

Don Rickles: I will say to you as the audience out there tonight Kirk Douglas knows Burt Lancaster personally.
Burt Lancaster would be here tonight but he was in a circus act in Germany and climbed up the rope too fast.
And is now in his home in Malibu going (gritting his teeth) no.

Don Rickles: Kirk said we're going to have a little dinner party and I said fine, as you well know Kirk and
Ann invited us, as we pulled up in the driveway and I do say this because we all struggle in life to attain success
and I pulled up in the driveway and I saw a Rolls Royce and it said FAS1 and I got all excited. Barbara that's
Frank Sinatra's car, what a night, Frank Sinatra's here. My wife said, "Honey pull yourself together, I mean for
God's sake don't be an idiot, pull yourself together, you have all his albums, what are ya gonna do, go crazy?."
We walked in and there were twelve people, not stars like you figure you'd see, the Gregory Pecks, the Charlton Hestons,
that school, it was Harry Dickman, Sol Katz, Lou Ferpo, Marco Don Bonanzo, who I never asked what he did, figuring
I could be in the bay going (tongue hanging out his mouth, floating). Cheer up Kirk, I said Kirk, "it's an exciting night"
and with that somebody tapped me on the shoulder and Dean Martin cherishes this man as I do because I got news,
the guy we're talking about really I can only speak for myself, he is the thing you know and the voice said
"hey palie how do you want the pizza, crisp, crisp, crisp pizza? Pizza crisp? I said, "What were you saying Kirk?",
in this new picture, in my new movie, these two people are coming up, what a picture I'm doing ... and the other voice,
hey come on now I've asked you three times how do you want the pizza", and with one turn with a drink in my hand
I turn around and say "Will you stop bothering me Frank, I'm talking to people, I don't care how you make the pizza!" [RF]

[06] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: BETTE DAVIS
18Oct1973 show no

 Video -  Bette Davis-Dean Martin Celebrity Roast- 1973 PART 1

  Video -  Bette Davis-Dean Martin Celebrity Roast (1973) PART 2
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland
Dean roasts Bette Davis
Guests:
Henry Fonda
Vincent Price
Barbara Heller
Army Archerd
Pat Buttram
Kay Medford
Nipsey Russell
Joyce Haber columnist for the Los Angeles Times
Howard Cosell
Tom T. Hall
Jeannie C. Riley
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director James Kantrowe
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "Non Dimenticar".
Tom T. Hall sings "I Love".
Jeannie C. Riley and Tom T. Hall duet on "This Ole House".

Dean Martin: Tonight we honor one of Hollywood's favorite citizens Miss Bette Davis. She won two Academy Awards and
was nominated nine times. From the very first day she arrived in Hollywood, she made love to Cary Grant, Robert Montgomery,
Henry Fonda and then she got into pictures. It wasn't easy Jack Warner took a liking to her and after several meetings
he sent Bette for her first test and the result was positive and they named the kid Jack Jr. Bette suffered a heartbreak
in 1938 David O. Selznick tested her for "Gone With the Wind" but Mr. Selznick didn't think she was good enough and
gave the part to Butterfly McQueen.

Pat Buttram: Where else but in Hollywood can you find a sign that says, "Last Massage Parlor before Freeway".

Joyce Haber: Bette was the Queen of Hollywood, back in the days when queens were still ladies and Joan Crawford was King.

Vincent Price: You know Bette has always suffered in every picture she has ever made. When I appeared with her in
"Elizabeth and Essex", she gave up her beauty, in "Dark Victory" she gave up her eyesight and in the "Virgin Queen"
(pauses and shrugs) she gave up her hobby.

Dean Martin: Oh by the way Bette here's a telegram I forgot to read before it's from the National Association of
Tobacco Manufacturers. Dear Miss Davis: We want to thank you for promoting the use of cigarettes in your films.
No other actor swings their butt the way you do. [RF]

[07] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: BARRY GOLDWATER
25Oct1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland
Dean roasts Barry Goldwater
Guests:
William Holden
William Conrad
Carroll O'Connor
Dan Rowan
Steve Landesburg (as Bubba Lee Goldwater)
Nipsey Russell
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Norm Crosby
Don Rice
Mark Russell (political satirist and comedian)
Ray Stevens (not on dais)
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director James Kantrowe
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "Free to Carry On".
Dean Martin and Ray Stevens duet with "Y'all Come," "Nashville," "Bumming Around" and "Things".
William Holden and Dean Martin as monks awaiting a break in their vows of silence.

William Conrad: I'm here tonight to pay tribute to a fellow flier, Major General Barry Goldwater, retired U.S. Air Force.
We both won our pilots wings at Loopfield, Phoenix, Arizona. We both served in World War II and at that time Barry
Goldwater was on our side, but even then I knew that you would go far Senator, go far in the service because you
studied humility under General MacArthur and took charm lessons from General Patton. As a bomber pilot General
Goldwater single-handedly laid waste to eleven major cities and then he went overseas.

William Holden: (on one of Barry Goldwater's speeches) "I will remove pornography from the streets of America and put
it where it belongs." At home in his den.

Zsa Zsa: I'm not going to tell what happened on our first date but Barry dear, how can they call you a conservative.[RF]

[08] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JOHNNY CARSON
01Nov1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Writer: Jim Mulholland, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Harry Crane, Stan Daniels
Dean roasts Johnny Carson
Guests:
Bette Davis
Jack Benny
George Burns
Truman Capote
George Gobel
Doc Severinsen
Cliff Robertson
Joey Bishop
Bob Newhart
Barry Goldwater
Redd Foxx
Jonathan Winters (as Willis Mumford)
Foster Brooks
Martin Milner
Kent McCord
Dionne Warwick
Rich Little
Ruth Buzzi
Dom DeLuise
Fred DeCordova
Marissa Moritz

Dean Martin: Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America and that's
why his last wife left him, she found out he gave a better performance in those bedrooms than he did in his own.
Johnny has certainly come a long way in this business, he was born and raised on a farm outside of Norfolk, Nebraska.
I know he's a real farm boy because last night I saw him at the bar with a couple of pigs.

George Burns: (to Johnny Carson) I want you to know that I watch your show every night, 11:30 I turn on the tv,
lie in bed with my clothes off and you're very very funny, the other night I got in kinda late and I watched you
with my clothes on, so you know you're funnier with my clothes off.

Doc Severinsen: Johnny Carson is the kindest most generous man I have ever known, if that wasn't enough he's probably
the greatest comedy genius since Charlie Chaplin (turns to Johnny Carson) Oh, hell, Johnny I can't read this stuff
you wrote for me.

Bob Newhart: Some of you might not know this Johnny's firt wife was named Joan, second wife was Joanne, present wife
is Joanna, the man-the man just won't go for new towels.

Dean Martin: Next we have a brilliant writer and a close friend of Johnny's, Mr. Truman Capote, you all remember
Truman's big hit book "In Cold Blood", that's the story of Johnny's second divorce settlement. [RF]

[09] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: WILT CHAMBERLAIN
08Nov1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Jim Mulholland, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Harry Crane, Stan Daniels
Dean roasts Wilt Chamberlain
Guests:
Norm Crosby
Happy Hairston
Audrey Meadows
Ken Berry
Nipsey Russell
Bill Shoemaker
Vernon Scott
George Kennedy
Jackie Gayle
Pat Henry
Ferlin Husky

"The Man of the Week"

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "Young At Heart".
Ferlin Husky and Dean Martin sing a medley of "Down by the Riverside," "Rosie Cries A Lot," "Houston" and "Ramblin' Rose".

Dean Martin: In 1936 Wilt Chamberlain came into this world, he was even tall at birth. He was so tall he was born on
August 21st, 22nd and 23rd.

Norm Crosby: Wilt Chamberlain is an insulation to young people all over the world. Wherever he appears for every game
the renegades give him a standing ovulation. That's the truth. [RF]

[10] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: HUBERT HUMPHREY
22Nov1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Hubert Humphrey
Guests:
Gene Kelly
Leo Durocher
Audrey Meadows
Mort Sahl
Ted Knight
Mark Russell
Rich Little
Don Rice III
Pat Henry
Nipsey Russell
Foster Brooks
Senator Lowell Weicker (R-Conn)

[11] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: CARROLL O'CONNOR (Archie Bunker "All in the Family")
07Dec1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Jim Mulholland, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Bill Box
Dean roasts Carroll O'Connor
Guests:
Dan Rowan & Dick Martin
Gene Kelly
Joey Bishop
Don Rickles
Robert Wood, President of CBS Television
Mike Connors
Redd Foxx
Marty Allen
Mama Cass Elliott
Nipsey Russell
Norm Crosby
Foster Brooks
Sen. Barry Goldwater (R-Ariz)
in taped segment
Ruth Buzzi
William Conrad
Zsa Zsa Gabor
William Holden
Donald O'Connor
Charles Nelson Reilly
New York Mayor John Lindsay
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean Martin: Who said Carroll O'Connor was unpopular? When he moved into Beverly Hills all I know is that five colored
families moved out.

Marty Allen: (as Joe Kowalski) You know Mr. O'Connor was my foreman down at the shipyard and he got the job over all
the rest of us cuz he had the most education, he had the most experience and he knew where to get the boss a broad.
That Mr. O'Connor is a really tough egg boy, one night we went into a saloon and we got in an argument with a guy and
the guy hits with the back of his hand and says that a chop from kung-fu and Mr. O'Connor pulls something out of his
pocket and hits the guy on the head and says And that's a crowbar from Midas Muffler.

William Holden: Hi Carroll, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy you on "All in the Family", you know something
your almost as good as you used to be with Art Carney and Audrey Meadows on "The Honeymooners".

Foster Brooks: Thank you very much Mr. Martini. [RF]

[12] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: MONTY HALL
13Dec1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts Monty Hall
Guests:
Gene Kelly
Bert Parks
Audrey Meadows
Rocky Graziano
Donald O'Connor
Art Linkletter
Jack Carter
Senator Birch Bayh (D-Ind.)
Ted Knight
Doug Dillard
Allan Drake
The Golddiggers
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin and Gene Kelly duet on "You Are My Sunshine".
Gene Kelly and the Golddiggers perform "Count on Me".
Doug Dillard and the Golddiggers perform "Banjo Man".
The Golddiggers perform "Open Up Your Heart".

Dean Martin: Well tonight we're honoring Monty Hall. I'm not asking you to laugh or applaud during this roast, just
stay awake. I gave up alot to be here tonight, I could have been home watching "Jacques Cousteau Paper Trains a Whale".
Alot of you maybe asking why we're honoring Monty Hall, remember I asked first. I don't know too much about Monty
but I do know he was born in Manitoba Canada and he's about as exciting as his hometown. Manitoba is so square, you
can't buy a brasiere without a prescription. But Monty was destined to host quiz shows, even back in Manitoba, he'd
go up to strange girls and say Let's make a deal.

Art Linkletter: Computing the Nielsen rating results "Let's Make A Deal" appeals to almost every kind of person you
can think of. For instance, insomniacs like it, puts them to sleep even in the afternoon, people with cardiac
conditions love it because their doctors advise them no excitement under any condition, the Roto Roter man oh they
like it, they like seeing someone else go down the drain and the gay liberation group, they like it because it
proves there's no fun in being straight. Monty's wife likes it because everyday for 30 minutes she knows where he
is as a matter of fact there's only one group, one dissenting group the manufacturers of Bandini Fertilizer because
they feel it's strictly unfair competition.

Jack Carter: (pointing to Dean) People talk about the energy crisis, here's the man who's causing it all, he's
always gassed, he's usually oiled and lit up all the time. [RF]

[13] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JACK KLUGMAN & TONY RANDALL ("The Odd Couple ")
20Dec1973 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts "The Odd Couple" Jack Klugman and Tony Randall
Guests:
Mike Connors
Gary Burghoff
Ruth Buzzi
Soupy Sales
Jack Carter
Leonard Barr
Jackie Vernon
Loretta Lynn
jockey Laffit Pincay

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "Turn the World Around" and "As Time Goes By"
Doug Kershaw performs "Louisiana Man" and "Sweet Jole Bion". [RF]

[14] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: ZSA ZSA GABOR
10Jan1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Jim Mulholland, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Harry Crane, Stan Daniels
Dean roasts Zsa Zsa Gabor
Guests:
Donald O'Connor
Charles Nelson Reilly
Sue Cameron
Corbett Monica
Lonnie Shorr
Ruth Buzzi
Buddy Hackett
Mel Tillis
Donna Fargo
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "The Small Exception of Me".
Dean Martin, Buddy Hackett, Donald O’Connor, Charles Nelson Reilly perform "Along Came Jones".
A "Wide World of Sports" spoof with Dean Martin as a bullfighter and Buddy Hackett as the bull.

Dean Martin: Tonight we roast Zsa Zsa the most famous of the Gabor sisters. You all know the Gabor Sisters, the
original Golddiggers. Poor Zsa Zsa she never had much of a childhood, she went from kindergarten to the Marriage Bureau.
She's been married so many times, she's got Uncle Ben on a retainer. She's got so many wedding rings on her hand that
when I kissed it tonight I thought I was kissing a package of lifesavers.

Donald O'Connor: I once was married to Zsa Zsa. To this day I remember every detail of that wedding ceremony.
The Preacher said to Zsa Zsa, "Do you take this man?" and she said, "Yes Dahling, for everything he's worth."

Ruth Buzzi: Hello Darlings, I'm Gladys Gabor. I used to think it was Ormsby because that's what my sister always
called me, but then I looked up Ormsby in a Hungarian-English Dictionary and I discovered it means 'get lost fish face'.
Zsa Zsa is truly a woman of many talents and she's deeply interested in anything that goes on. You may think she's
indifferent to World affairs, what tommy rot, she's had affairs all over the World! [RF]

[15] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: LEO DUROCHER
17Jan1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Leo Durocher
Guests:
Gene Kelly
Maury Wills
Bobby Riggs
Dizzy Dean
Chuck Connors
Alex Karras
Jack Carter
Foster Brooks
Gladys Knight and the Pips

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "I'm Sitting on Top of the World", "I Walk the Line" and "Georgia Sunshine".
Gladys Knight & the Pips perform "Midnight Train to Georgia". [RF]

[16] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: TRUMAN CAPOTE
24Jan1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Jim Mulholland, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Bill Box
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean roasts Truman Capote
Guests:
Jean Simmons
Ted Knight
Audrey Meadows
Donald O'Connor
Rich Little
Joseph Wambaugh
Rocky Graziano
Foster Brooks
Anna Moffo
Johnny Russell

Highlights:
Anna Moffo performs a "West Side Story" medley.
Johnny Russell sings "Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer".

Rich Little: Truman Capote has said publicly that actors are not too bright, now maybe the reason for that is that
he has a deep-seated desire to be an actor himself and I'll go along with that. I mean I think there are alot of
parts that Truman here could play, for instance I think he would have made a very interesting Hamlet. (in Truman's voice)
To be or not to be ... that's always been my question.

Dean Martin: Joseph Wambaugh is a Los Angeles Police Officer who also writes best sellers like "The Blue Knight",
"The New Centurions" and "The Onion Field". He's so prolific that they just published all his speeding tickets he's
issued. Here is badge number 178 Detective Sergeant Joseph Wambaugh.

Ted Knight: You know I've always been a great admirer of Truman, ever since he beat Dewey. [RF]

[17] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DON RICKLES
07Feb1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Don Rickles
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Phyllis Diller
Lorne Greene
Rowan & Martin
Casey Kasem
Bob Newhart
Carol Channing
Nipsey Russell
Cliff Robertson
Jack Klugman
Pat Henry
Kirk Douglas
Rich Little
Telly Savalas
Charlie Callas
Foster Brooks
Eugene Cernan (Apollo XVII)

[18] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: RALPH NADER
14Feb1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Ralph Nader
Guests:
Jack Klugman
James Brolin
Jane Withers
Steve Landesburg
Mort Sahl
Rich Little
Ruth Buzzi
Jackie Gayle
Foster Brooks
Donna Fargo
The Statler Brothers

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "C'est Si Bon".
Donna Fargo sings "It Do Feel Good".
The Statler Brothers perform "Carry Me Back".
Ruth Buzzi and Dean Martin do a sketch demonstrating the different ways that a married couple communicates with
each other. [RF]

[19] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JACK BENNY
21Feb1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts Jack Benny
Guests:
Jimmy Stewart
Joey Bishop
Florence Henderson
George Burns
Norm Crosby
Zubin Mehta
Pearl Bailey
Dick Martin
Mark Spitz
Wayne Newton
Rich Little
Demond Wilson
Jack Carter
Foster Brooks
Gary Burghoff (not in the roast)
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director James Kantrowe
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Man of the Week.

Dean: Tributes like this honor people while they are still alive forgive me for being a little late. He's too old for
champagne, the bubbles keep knocking him down. And being a comedian wasn't Jack's whole life, he loved the violin,
he always dreamt of being a soloist with the concert orchestra. Two years ago he was invited to Israel to perform with
the Israeli Philharmonic, when Moshe Dayan heard him play he took the patch off his eye and put it over his ear.

Jimmy Stewart: Never has one man given so little to so few.

Jack Carter: My God it's nice to be hear for this marathon in stuttering. I never saw anything were all the professionals
are stuttering and Mark Spitz spoke beautifully. [RF]

[20] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: REDD FOXX (I)
01Mar1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Redd Foxx (1st Roast) (2nd Roast 26Nov76)
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Nipsey Russell
Foster Brooks
Demond Wilson
Norm Crosby
Rich Little
Jim Bailey
Jackie Gayle
John Barbour
Slappy White

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "It's the Talk of the Town".

[21] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: BOBBY RIGGS
08Mar1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts Bobby Riggs
Guests:
Vincent Price
Chuck Connors
Leo Durocher
Alex Karras
Wayne Newton
Lynn Anderson
Don Rice III
Jack Carter
Rosemary Casals
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director James Kantrowe
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean Martin: One time he actually played a tennis match wearing a dress. He lost the match but on the way home he
picked up three sailors.

Vincent Price: He asked me if I'd help him write a love letter. I told him I'd be more than happy to do so, but what
we did was this, I wrote a first draft, then Bobby took it and revised it slightly, giving it his own personal touch.
Now this is the first draft that I wrote and this is Bobby's revised version. I hope Bobby won't mind if I read a
few passages from them. In my version, I start off by saying, "Oh sweet nymph of my thousand fantasies. "Have you
ever felt a volcano of passion within your soul erupting in a fiery flow of desire and impossible to restrain?"
In Bobby's version he changed that passage slightly so it reads, "Hey hot lips, do you fool around?"

Don Rice: Thank you, Dean just told you that I went to high school with Bobby Riggs, the Archie Bunker of tennis.

Jack Carter: I'm so glad you invited this mini munchkin over here, a recycled Mickey Rooney. I love tennis I always
thought mixed doubles meant wife-swapping. Dean doesn't know much about tennis, we play golf alot and one day we were
on the golf course and we pass by some bushes and we heard love forty, he thought it was an orgy. Yeah I saw him in
a bar last night talking to a couple of old pros. Bobby Riggs is he beautiful or what, look at him he's built so cute,
that's adorable. He's got the body of an Olympic champion, a Cathy Rigby. Look at this man gnome we have over here,
look at him with the eyeglasses and that stringy hair and that stupid little body, he looks like a near-sighted
Johnny mop I threw away. But I shouldn't pick on Bobby, why would I pick on him, cuz I hate his guts. I hate him,
he disappointed me, a Davis cup champion, a Singles open champion and he went to Houston and made an Astrodome out
of himself. She showed him didn't she that Billie Jean King, on television in front of forty million people, she
beat the pants off of him. Luckily with his wrinkly body nobody even looked. [RF]

[22] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: GEORGE WASHINGTON
15Mar1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts George Washington (portrayed by Jan Leighton)
Guests:
Audrey Meadows (as Martha Washington)
Dick Martin
Leonard Barr
Steve Lawrence (as Colonel Groucho Marx, Washington's Aide de Camp)
Corbett Monica
Nipsey Russell
Euell Gibbons
Henny Youngman
Jack Carter
Foster Brooks (George Washington's press secretary)
*
Special musical material by Lee Hale
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Sketch Supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Musical Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes Designed Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director James Kantrowe
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music Coordinator Mack Gray
Production coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Music routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical Director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Ed Huston
Video Tape Editors Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent Coordinator Henry Frankel
*
George Washington is the roastee in a whimsical salute to the first President. Audrey Meadows appears as his wife Martha,
Steve Lawrence as his Groucho Marx-like aide-de-camp, and Foster Brooks as his press secretary. Others seated on the
dais include Dick Martin, Euell Gibbons, Corbett Monica, Nipsey Russell, Henny Youngman, Jack Carter and Leonard Barr.
Dean sings "For the Good Times" and "Lay Some Happiness on Me." Les Brown conducts the orchestra.

A whimsical salute to George Washington.
Roasting the first President are George's wife Martha (Audrey Meadows), his press secretary (Foster Brooks) and his
aide-de-camp (Steve Lawrence doing a Groucho Marx impersonation).
Other guests include:
Euell Gibbons and Henny Youngman

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "For the Good Times" and “Lay Some Happiness on Me"

Dean Martin: George first met Martha at the Boston Tea party, she was one of the bags they threw overboard. Not only
was he the first President, he was the first President to be fitted with wooden teeth. He never brushed his teeth,
he polished them with Pledge.

Euell Gibbons: Thank you Dean, I feel right at home here with all these comedians, they remind me of wild hickory nuts.
Dean did you ever drink a pine tree?

Henny Youngman: There I was at the psychiatrist's and said, "Nobody talks to me" and he said "Next". I went to the
doctors and I said, "Doctor I have a ring in my ear, what'll I do", he says, "Don't answer it". Doctor gave a man
six months to live and couldn't pay the bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

Jack Carter: It's a very patriotic night and Dean you're a great American and a great patriot. The man has even got
patriotic eyeballs, just look at him, blue with red whites. He's a great American and you really should be up there
on Mount Rushmore, you should be up on that mountainside with Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln. You don't even
have to chisel him, he's stoned right now. [RF]

[23] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DAN ROWAN & DICK MARTIN
22Mar1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts Dan Rowan and Dick Martin
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Audrey Meadows
Arte Johnson
Richard Dawson
Nipsey Russell
Steve Lawrence
Bob Newhart
Ruth Buzzi
Foster Brooks
Buck Owens
Jackie Gayle
Dorsey Burnette
*
Sketch supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Music Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes by Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music coordinator Mack Gray
Production Coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan & Lynne Voeth
Music Routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting director Carl Pitsch
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video tape editor Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent coordinator Henry Frankel

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "By the Time I Get to Phoenix".
Dorsey Burnette sings "I Let Another Good One Get Away".
Dean Martin, Steve Lawrence and Buck Owens perform "We’ve Got a Lot in Common".
The Golddiggers perform "Let Me Be There".

Dean Martin: You all remember when Richard Nixon was on Laugh-In and he said, "Sock it to me, sock it to me" and Senator
Irvine did. In point of their career they starred in "The Maltese Bippy", that's the picture that put MGM where it is
today, in hotel business.

Nipsey Russell: So as we remember Abbott and Costello as Laurel and Hardy will never die, surely we can't forget Rowan
and Martin, but baby we sure gonna try.[RF]

[24] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: HENRY "HANK" AARON
29Mar1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Associate Producer Craig Martin
Written by Harry Crane, Stan Daniels, Tom Tenowich, Norm Liebmann, Larry Markes, Mike Barrie, Jim Mulholland, Bill Box
Dean roasts Henry 'Hank' Aaron
Guests:
Lou Rawls
Joey Bishop
Eddie Matthews manager of the Atlanta Braves
Dizzy Dean
Foster Brooks
Audrey Meadows
Norm Crosby
Lynn Anderson
Nipsey Russell
Jackie Kahane
Jeannie Burnier
Special appearance by Rodney Allen Rippy
*
Sketch supervisor Jonathan Lucas
Art Director Gene McAvoy
Music Conductor Les Brown
Musical Arranger Van Alexander
Costumes by Bob Fletcher
Choral Director Jack Halloran
Unit Manager P. Dean Reed
Associate Director Clay Daniel
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Music Consultant Ken Lane
Music coordinator Mack Gray
Production Coordinator Roger Warnix
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan & Lynne Voeth
Music Routines Geoffrey Clarkson
Makeup Harry Blake
Stage Managers Bob Chic & Doug Quick
Technical director Karl Messerschmidt
Lighting director Carl Pitsch
Audio Joe Ralston
Video Jerry Smith
Video tape editor Stan Jenkins & Gustavo Aguilera
Talent coordinator Henry Frankel

Highlights:
Dean Martin sings "It Had to Be You" and "That Old-Time Feeling".
Lou Rawls sings "Cold, Cold Heart".

Dean: Tonight we're honoring one of the baseball greats Mr. Henry Aaron. Who could forget the end of the 1973 baseball
season when Hank got down on his knees and prayed that he could score for just one more time.

Joey Bishop: I know very little about Baseball, I thought Vida Blue was a toilet bowel cleanser.

Nipsey: If the baseball fan can't understand that ya want some chocolate for his sweet tooth, he got to call out Oh Henry!
now and not just Babe Ruth.

Foster Brooks: It's wonderful to pay ... paaay tribute to this wunderful super ... superstar Raquel Welch. Love your
new hairdo Raquel. (squints and leans over to Dean) That's a wild tan she's got there. I think you may have roasted
her too long. [RF]

[25] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JOE NAMATH (I)
05Apr1974 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Joe Namath (1st Roast) (2nd roast 19Jan79)
Guests:
Don Meredith
Weeb Eubank
Paul "Bear" Bryant
Dick Butkus
Jim Plunkett
David Janssen
Angie Dickinson
Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
Foster Brooks
Charlie Callas
Joey Bishop
Rich Little
Slappy White

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 2 1974-75 ##############
##############################################

2.01 [26] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: BOB HOPE
31Oct1974
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Show host and USO regular Bob Hope is roasted in this hour.
Guests:
Jack Benny
John Wayne
James Stewart
Ginger Rogers
Howard Cosell
Phyllis Diller
Don Rickles
Flip Wilson
Charlie Callas
Rich Little
Foster Brooks
Milton Berle
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Governor Ronald Reagan
Reverend Billy Graham
General Omar Bradley
Astronaut Neil Armstrong
Secretary of State Henry Kissinger
President Gerald Ford
Dolores Hope

2.02 [27] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: TELLY SAVALAS ("Kojak")
15Nov1974 / Show no. 1002
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, George Bloom, Tom Tenowich, Milt Rosen, Don Hinkley, Peter Gallay, Stan Burns and Mike Marmer.
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Technical director Karl Messerschmidt
Assistants to the Producer Lynne Voeth & Janice Buchanan
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Man of the Hour co-ordinator Kendis Rochlen
Stage Manager Bob Chic
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Audio Joe Ralston & Pete San Filipo
Video Bob Cadigan
Video tape editor Brian Allen
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean roasts Telly Savalas
Guests:
Ernest Borgnine
Howard Cosell
Angie Dickinson
Phyllis Diller
Darren McGavin
Robert Stack
Peter Graves
Alex Karras
George Kennedy
Don Rickles
Richard Roundtree
Shelley Winters
Dan Rowan
Dick Martin
Rich Little
Dom DeLuise
Casey Kasem dressed up as Columbo
Foster Brooks, who claims to be Telly's barber.

Dean Martin roasts Telly Savalas appearing on the dais are Ernest Borgnine, Howard Cosell, Angie Dickinson,
Phyllis Diller, Alex Karras, George Kennedy, Darren McGavin, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Don Rickles, Richard Roundtree,
Shelley Winters, Rich Little, Dom DeLuise and the comedy team of Dan Rowan & Dick Martin.
Also taking part in the roast is comedian Foster Brooks, who claims to be Telly's barber and Casey Kaseem dressed up
as Columbo.

The Original "Kojak" is given the Star Treatment.

Phyllis Diller: I'm here for one reason, I want to be your secretary. You see every detective on television has a
girl Friday and I want to do things for you Telly, just you. I don't want to work for Columbo, he'd smoke all my
cigars. I couldn't work for Cannon, because he's so fat, he'd want to wear my panty girdle and who wants to work for
McCloud, at the end of the day he comes back to his office and kisses the horse. I'd be perfect in police work,
I have everything Angie Dickinson has, only with me it takes longer to find it.

Howard Cosell: (to Dean) I understand the Drinkers Hall of Fame has just retired your liver. Before I do pay my
disrespects to Telly Savalas, I should like to pay my respects to the appearance on the dais of my Monday Night
Football compatriot Alex Karras, number 71 Dino, you didn't mention that who has become a lengendary figure of course
in the history of professional football. It's now documented that a fat man out of shape can be one of the all-time greats.

Robert Stack: I know some people knock detective shows but I think Kojak has had a very good effect, you know crime
has dropped off so much in one city that the mafia laid off seven judges.

They run a clip of Telly as Kojak eating lollipops background music by Shirley Temple singing "On the Goodship Lollipop".[RF]

2.03 [28] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: LUCILLE BALL
 I Love Lucy (1951-57) - Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour (1957-60) - The Lucy Show (1962-68)Here's Lucy (1968-74)
07Feb1975
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, George Bloom, Tom Tenowich, Milt Rosen, Don Hinkley, Peter Gallay, Stan Burns and Mike Marmer.
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Technical director Karl Messerschmidt
Assistants to the Producer Lynne Voeth & Janice Buchanan
Lighting Director Lon Stucky
Man of the Hour co-ordinator Kendis Rochlen
Stage Manager Bob Chic
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Audio Joe Ralston & Pete San Filipo
Video Bob Cadigan
Video tape editor Brian Allen
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
MGM GRAND HOTEL in the Ziegfeld Room
Roast for Lucille Ball
guests
Jack Benny
Milton Berle
Foster Brooks
Ruth Buzzi
Phyllis Diller
Totie Fields
Henry Fonda
Gale Gordon
Bob Hope
Rich Little
Dan Rowan
Dick Martin
Gary Morton
Don Rickles
Ginger Rogers
Nipsey Russell
Vivian Vance

Phyllis Diller: Well I couldn't wait to get her because Lucy is my kind of girl. We're both cut from the same mold,
thing is I'm moldier. Lucy had some career. When Lucy was making pictures at MGM, everytime a big part came up they'd
say, Louis B. Mayer would say this, "Let's get that good-looking redhead." And they did, Van Johnson. When I first
came to Hollywood I could have had big parts too, but I was allergic to silicon. My bra was so small it had to be put
on by a jeweler. Of course now I wear a padded bra, it's got so much rubber in it, last night I threw it on the
dresser and it bounced out the window. But Lucy's got her problems too, now I happen to know that she wants to dye
her hair back to its original color, but she can't remember it. All my life I have tried to look like Lucy. I even
use the same beauty cream Lucy uses but nothing works. You know that ugly skin on your elbows? My whole body looks
like that.

Dean Martin: It's always a pleasure to have Jack Benny with us, he almost didn't make it, the police broke into his
dressing room and caught him sniffing prunes.

Jack Benny: I'm glad that it isn't always a black tie event you know but I'm glad this is a black tie affair because
it lends dignity to the evening. And for your information to get a tuxedo pressed it's no longer two dollars.
Of course, I get a refund when I return the wire hanger. Anyway I enjoyed my trip to Las Vegas, fortunately I ran
into Fred MacMurray and he got me a good seat on the bus. Sitting alongside me was a beautiful 25-year-old girl with
a six month old baby. And everytime she fed that baby, I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. I'd like to borrow
that kid to syphon gasoline. He drank that bottle in ten seconds flat. (looks over at Dean) Anyway I must say with
all respect to Lucy, I can see where all her exposure on TV might have upset some comedians and make them jealous,
but personally I don't give a damn. I couldn't care if she's on fifty times a day. If she wants the public to get
sick of her, that's her problem. (throws Lucy a kiss)

Lucy: (about Henry Fonda) I'm overwhelmed that Henry Fonda came here overnight. We're great friends, I'm happy to
say we done two pictures together and whenever Hank was around, the set always came to life. I wish I could say that
same to Hank.

Film clips of Lucy from her various television shows are shown with Dean singing "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face".[RF]

2.04 [29] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JACKIE GLEASON
27Feb1975 Show no. 1004
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Jackie Gleason
Guests:
Art Carney
Milton Berle
Foster Brooks
Sid Caesar
Phyllis Diller
Frank Gorshin
Gene Kelly
Sheila MacRae
Audrey Meadows
Nipsey Russell
Danny Thomas
Jane Kean

2.05 [30] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
24Apr1975
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Sammy Davis Jr.
Guests:
Milton Berle
Joey Bishop
Foster Brooks
Wilt Chamberlain
Norm Crosby
Altovise Davis (Sammy's wife)
Phyllis Diller
Frank Gorshin
Jan Murray
Freddie Prinze
Don Rickles
Nipsey Russell
Dionne Warwick

2.06 [31] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: MICHAEL LANDON (I)
15May1975
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Michael Landon of "Little House on the Prairie" is Roasted this hour. (1st Roast)(2nd roast 7Dec84)
Guests:
Amanda Blake
Ernest Borgnine
Sid Caesar
Phyllis Diller
Euell Gibbons
Lorne Greene
Guy Marks
Jan Murray
Don Rickles
Cliff Robertson
Victor Sen Yung
Joey Bishop
Norm Crosby

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 3 1975-76 ##############
##############################################

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL
06Sep1975 WNBC 52 min.
Dean Martin
Robert Mitchum
Angie Dickinson
Foster Brooks
Ronald Reagan
Vincent Gardenia
Jack Cassidy
Guy Marks
Georgia Engel
Isabel Sanford
Sherman Hemsley
Nancy Reagan

3.01 [32] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: EVEL KNIEVEL
10Nov1975
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Evel Knievel
Guests:
Milton Berle
Ernest Borgnine
Foster Brooks
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Ruth Buzzi
Charlie Callas
Glen Campbell
William Conrad
Jackie Cooper
Georgia Engel
Senator Barry Goldwater
Gabe Kaplan
Audrey Meadows
Don Rickles
Cliff Robertson
Nipsey Russell
Isabel Sanford
McLean Stevenson

3.02 [33] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: VALERIE HARPER ("Rhoda")
20Nov1975 show no. 1103
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Don Hinkley, Peter Gallay, Milt Rosen, Bill Daley, Terry Hart, Chris Wienk, Stan Burns and
Mike Marmer
"Mary Tyler Moore Show" co-star and "Rhoda" Star Valerie Harper is the Woman of the Hour.
Guests:
Nancy Walker
David Groh
Julie Kavner
Ed Asner
Shelley Winters
Milton Berle
Red Buttons
Jack Carter
Phyllis Diller
Georgia Engel
Chad Everett
Jamie Farr (as Corporal Klinger)
Eva Gabor
Harold Gould
Rich Little
Foster Brooks
Nipsey Russell
Isabel Sanford
Jack Albertson
Dick Schaal (Valerie's husband at the time)
*
Associate producer Lee Hale
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Associate director Jonathan Lucas
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Technical Director Parker Roe
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Randy Blum & Daniel Lovil
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Videotape editor Art Schneider
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Red Buttons: (to Dean) You've been putting it away pretty good. Your not going to believe this folks right here
today at the Lion's Den lounge, right here at my favorite hotel the MGM Grand, Dean drank two fifths and a cocktail
waitress. So why a dinner for Valerie Harper, when some of the greatest women in the history of the world never
got a dinner. Eve who said to Adam in the Garden of Eden, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you? Never
got a dinner got an apple but never got a dinner. Golda Meir who once said to Moshe Dayan, "How come the Arabs have
the gas and we have the heartburn. Noah's wife Stephanie who said to Noah after it had been raining for forty days
and forty nights, "It's your turn to put the papers on the floor", Jack the Ripper's mother Rhoda, Rhoda Ripper once
said to Jack, "How come I never see you with the same girl twice?" Martha Washington who said to her husband George,
"Sure I let you outta the house one night, people tell me you slept here, you slept there", Mrs. Evel Knievel once
said to her husband, "Why do you always go to pieces?" Never gotta a dinner.

Jack Carter: Wonderful to be here it's a very patriotic night. Dean is celebrating the bi-centennial, just this
morning he took his seventeen hundred and seventy-sixth drink. [RF]

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL
14Dec1975 WNBC 52 min.
Dean Martin, Dionne Warwick, The Golddiggers, The Statler Brothers, Georgia Engel, Freddy Fender, Michael Learned

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL
13Jan1976 WNBC 52 min.
Dean Martin, Foster Brooks, Vincent Gardenia, Jack Cassidy, Guy Marks, Peter Graves, Freddy Fender, Jessi Colter

3.03 [34] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: MUHAMMAD ALI
19Feb1976
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Bill Daley, Howard Albrecht, Sol Weinstein, Milt Rosen, Larry Markes, Terry Hart, Stan Burns
and Mike Marmer
The Champ, The Greatest Fighter in all history of Boxing, Muhammad Ali is Roasted in this Hour.
Guests:
Foster Brooks
Red Buttons
Ruth Buzzi
Charlie Callas
Wilt Chamberlain
Howard Cosell
Billy Crystal
Georgia Engel
Rocky Graziano
Sherman Hemsley
Isabel Sanford
Gabe Kaplan
Gene Kelly
Herbert Muhammad
Floyd Patterson
Freddie Prinze
Nipsey Russell
Orson Welles
Tony Orlando
*
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Associate director Jonathan Lucas
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Technical Director Parker Roe
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Randy Blum & Daniel Lovil
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Videotape editor Art Schneider
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Freddie Prinze: I'm very proud to be here because as a kid growing up in Spanish Harlem, I used to watch Muhammad Ali
on the TV all the time, which is hard to do when two guys are carrying it out the window.

Red Buttons: Why are they giving this man a roast when some of the greatest black people in the world never got a dinner?
That's right when they never got a dinner. Sidney Poitier who once said, "Guess who's not coming to dinner?", never
got a dinner. George Foreman who said to the referee during the Ali fight, "I think he's got a razor". Alton Maddox,
the black revolutionary War Hero who said at the battle of Bunker Hill, "Don't fire till you see the whites".
Never got a dinner. Wilt Chamberlain's mother who said, "Kids don't look up to their parents anymore."
Justice Thurgood Marshall who said when he was appointed to the Supreme Court, "Here comes da Judge". Aunt Jemima,
who once said, "These hotcakes are selling like hotcakes". Never got a dinner. Uncle Remus who once said to Uncle Ben,
"Your a credit to your rice". Pearl Bailey who said when she was invited to the White House, "I'll sing and I'll
dance but I don't do windows". Never got a dinner. And certainly one of the greatest blacks of all-time,
Shirley Temple Black, never got a dinner.[RF]

3.04 [35] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DEAN MARTIN
27Feb1976
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
The host and creator of this very show as well as the "Dean Martin Variety Hour" is roasted himself in this two-hour
episode.
Don Rickles assumes the role of "RoastMaster."
Guests:
Muhammad Ali
Joey Bishop
Foster Brooks
Ruth Buzzi
Charlie Callas
Howard Cosell
Angie Dickinson
Georgia Engel
Senator Barry Goldwater
Bob Hope
Senator Hubert Humphrey
Gabe Kaplan
Gene Kelly
Rich Little
Paul Lynde
Dick Martin
Joe Namath
Tony Orlando
Dan Rowan
Nipsey Russell
James Stewart
John Wayne
Orson Welles

3.05 [36] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DENNIS WEAVER ("McCloud ")
27Apr1976 / Show no. 1105
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Dennis Weaver
Guests:
Amanda Blake
Milburn Stone
William Conrad
Shelley Winters
Mike Connors
Steve Forrest
Milton Berle
Red Buttons
Rich Little
Ruth Buzzi
Nipsey Russell
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Georgia Engel
Peter Graves
Foster Brooks

3.06 [37] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JOE GARAGIOLA
25May1976 / Show no. 1107
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Writers Harry Crane, Bill Daley, Howard Albrecht, Sol Weinstein, Milt Rosen, Larry Markes, Terry Hart, Stan Burns,
Mike Marmer
Dean roasts Baseball player and announcer Joe Garagiola
Guests:
Shirley Jones
Luis Tiant
Willie Mays
Hank Aaron
Yogi Berra
Mickey Mantle
Stan Musial
Maury Wills
Charles O. Finley
Foster Brooks
Norm Crosby
Jack Carter
Nipsy Russell
Red Buttons
Orson Welles
Charlie Callas
Jackie Gayle
Pat Henry
*
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Associate director Jonathan Lucas
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Assistants to the Producer Janice Buchanan and Lynne Voeth
Technical Director Parker Roe
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Randy Blim & Daniel Lovil
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Videotape editor Art Schneider
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean Martin: Joe Garagiola is a big leaguer in every sense of the word. Joe is an inspiration to young atheletes
all over America. I've never seen this man with a drink, a cigarette or a comb. Do you realize that seated up here
are probably the greatest collection of hitters in Baseball history? Boy in their careers they sure swung alot of
bats and I've seen some of the old bats they swing with. Joe's first year in the leagues was in 1946 with the
St. Louis Cardinals, as a rookie he couldn't find it to easy. Joe didn't have a Willie Mays arm or a Maury Wills legs,
all he had was Telly Savalas' head. Joe was never much at running the bases, one season he was thrown out at
home 61 times, once at the ballpark and sixty times by his wife. I just want to say being your host for this
evening is like being Zsa Zsa Gabor's next husband. I know what to do but how can I make it last for an hour.
*
Jack Carter: Oh it's good to be here for this wonderful night of Baseball. I know it's for Baseball because when
we got here Dean was already bagged. I saw him in the lobby last night trying to play records on a cigarette machine
and he and Foster Brooks were dancing to it. There's my man Luis Tiant, that's a man, hello Luis, he's signing
autographs at Finley, he didn't know he just signed for three years with no money. He's got such a cute head, how
can they make fun, look at that nice little round head. What size hat do you wear? C-cup. I don't know why you chose
to become a catcher, Joe you're such a cute man, I mean Yogi Berra I can understand, he had to wear a mask. You know
why I like to watch you catch, when you get behind the plate and squat, you look like my mother when she walks.
Oh are you kidding my mother's 78 she swings better than you ever did. My mother even had a chest protector, my father.[RF]

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 4 1976-77 ##############
##############################################

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL: RED HOT SCANDALS OF 1926
08Nov1976 WNBC 52 min.
Jonathan Winters
Dean Martin
Dom DeLuise
The Golddiggers
Georgia Engel
Abe Vigoda
Hermione Baddeley

[--] NBC'S FIRST 50 YEARS
21Nov1976 WFRV 230 min.
David Brinkley
Jerry Lewis
Gene Kelly
John Chancellor
Milton Berle
Bob Hope
Johnny Carson
Dean Martin
Angie Dickinson
George C. Scott
Don Meredith
Freddie Prinze
Gregory Peck
Orson Welles
Jack Albertson

NBC celebrates its golden anniversary in radio and television. Recalled is a half century of stars and shows.
Orson Welles is the narrator and there are fifteen hosts: Jack Albertson, Milton Berle, David Brinkley, Johnny Carson,
John Chancellor, Angie Dickinson, Joe Garagiola, Bob Hope, Gene Kelly, Jerry Lewis, Dean Martin, Don Meredith,
Gregory Peck, Freddie Prinze and George C. Scott.

4.01 [38] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: REDD FOXX (II)
26Nov1976 / show no. 1203
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Redd Foxx (2nd roast)(1st roast 1Mar74)
Guests:
Demond Wilson
Milton Berle
Isabel Sanford
Isaac Hayes
LaWanda Page
Jimmie Walker
Slappy White
Liz Torres
George Kirby
Norm Crosby
Steve Allen
Joe Garagiola
Nipsey Russell
Don Rickles
Marty Allen
Abe Vigoda

4.02 [39] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DANNY THOMAS
15Dec1976 show no. 1204
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Danny Thomas
Guests:
Lucille Ball
Milton Berle
Gene Kelly
Jimmie Walker
Red Buttons
Harvey Korman
Charo
Charlie Callas
Ruth Buzzi
Nipsey Russell
Dena Dietrich
Howard Cosell
Jan Murray
Don Knotts
Orson Welles

4.03 [40] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: ANGIE DICKINSON ("Police Woman ")
08Feb1977 / show no 1208
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Angie Dickinson
Guests:
Jimmy Stewart
Eve Arden
Earl Holliman
Orson Welles
Joey Bishop
Juliet Prowse
Jimmie Walker
Cindy Williams
Red Buttons
Cathy Rigby
Jackie Mason
Scatman Crothers
LaWanda Page
Ruth Buzzi
Charlie Callas
Foster Brooks
Rex Reed

4.04 [41] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: GABE KAPLAN
21Feb1977 / show no. 1205
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Gabe Kaplan
Guests:
Nipsey Russell
Liz Torres
Billy Crystal
Red Buttons
Charo
Jimmie Walker
Orson Welles
Howard Cosell
Johnny Bench
Ed Bluestone
Alice Ghostley
Joe Garagiola
Charlie Callas
Abe Vigoda
George Kirby
Milton Berle

4.05 [42] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: TED KNIGHT
02Mar1977 / show no. 1207
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Ted Knight
Guests:
Ed Asner
Gavin MacLeod
Georgia Engel
Jimmy Stewart
Foster Brooks
Red Buttons
Jack Carter
Orson Welles
Jimmie Walker
Harvey Korman
Jackie Wilson
LaWanda Page
Paul Williams
Scatman Crothers
Kelly Monteith
Willy Tyler & Lester
Julie McWhirter
Dr. Renee Richards

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL: RED HOT SCANDALS OF 1926 (PART TWO)
04Apr1977 WNBC 52 min.
Host Dean Martin
Guests:
Jonathan Winters
Dom DeLuise
Georgia Engel
Abe Vigoda
Hermione Baddeley

4.06 [43] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: PETER MARSHALL
22May1977 / show no. 1206
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Peter Marshall
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Rose Marie
Red Buttons
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Orson Welles
Rip Taylor
Vincent Price
Karen Valentine
Ed Bluestone
Foster Brooks
Jimmie Walker
Jackie Gayle
Paul Lynde
Jack Carter
Wayland Flowers & Madam

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 5 1977-78 ##############
##############################################

5.01 [44] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: DAN HAGGERTY
02Nov1977 show no. 1302
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Dan Haggerty
Guests:
Denver Pyle
William Conrad
Harry Morgan
Pat Harrington
Roger Miller
Orson Welles
Abe Vigoda
Rich Little
Ruth Buzzi
Red Buttons
Jimmie Walker
Charlie Callas
LaWanda Page
Foster Brooks
Marilyn Michaels
Jackie Gayle
Tom Dreesen

5.02 [45] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: FRANK SINATRA
07Feb1978 /show no. 1304
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Writers Harry Crane, Bill Box, Larry Markes, Stan Dreben, Howard Albrecht, Sol Weinstein, Martin A. Ragaway,
Arthur Phillips, Mel Chase, Robert L. Mills, Stan Burns, David Axlerod
Dean roasts Frank Sinatra
Guests:
Ronald Reagan
Gene Kelly
Don Rickles
George Burns
Redd Foxx
James Stewart
Flip Wilson
Telly Savalas
Jack Klugman
LaWanda Page
Red Buttons
Milton Berle
Orson Welles
Rich Little
Jonathan Winters ... Elwood Suggins
Dom DeLuise ..... Domenic Tendoroni
Ernest Borgnine ... Fatso
Charlie Callas... Carlo Cappocino
uncredited
Barbara Marx .... Herself
Ruth Buzzi ...... Mrs. Gladys Ormfby (uncredited)
Peter Falk ...... Lt. Columbo (uncredited)
Jilly Rizzo ..... Himself (uncredited)
*
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Associate director Janice Buchanan
Stage Manager Jonathan Lucas
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Assistants to the Producer Lynne Voeth and Betty Taxin
Technical Director Parker Roe
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Bob Cadigan
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Videotape editor Mario Di Mambro
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
The comedy of insult dominates this two-hour tribute. Host Dean Martin heads the list of 20 celebrities, including
Gene Kelly-who shows clips of Sinatra and himself singing and dancing in "Anchors Aweigh" (1945), "On the Town" (1949)
and Take Me Out to the Ball Game" (1949); Peter Falk, who does a routine as Columbo; Ruth Buzzi, who appears as her
"Laugh-In" character Gladys, the "president of the first Frank Sinatra fan club"; and Jonathan Winters as Elwood Suggins,
"the bus driver on Sinatra's concert tours." Also: stand-up spots by former California governor Ronald Reagan,
George Burns, James Stewart, Milton Berle, Redd Foxx, Flip Wilson, Dom DeLuise, Charlie Callas, Telly Savalas,
LaWanda Page, Orson Welles, Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Rich Little, Jack Klugman and Ernest Borgnine.

Dean Martin: I'm truly fortunate to be counted as one of Frank's friends, I'm pretty lucky every night I get on my
knees and pray, I pray that I can get off my knees. Yeah Frank's been a real pill, pal ... he helped me when I started
singing in cafes and helped me with my recording and motion picture career. Frank thanks for your support, I swear
I'll wear it till the day I die. This man's success has served as an inspiration to every American boy. Frank Sinatra
was born in Hoboken, New Jersey as an unwanted child and now he's wanted in five States. Especially in the State of
New York, as you know New York City has been having financial trouble, nobody knew Frank had lent money to New York
until they found the Statue of Liberty with her arms broken.

Ronald Reagan: I'm pleased to be here tonight, honoring my very dear friend Frank Sinatra. I must say when this
program was being planned the producer hadn't decided what political figures would participate, it was a choice between
me and Governor Brown and I lost again. But seriously this is Frank Sinatra's night and I'm here out of gratitude.
Frank worked for me on all my campaigns, he was with me all the way to the Governor's mansion, without his help who
knows, I might have been President. [RF]

5.03 [46] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JACK KLUGMAN  ("Quincy, M.E.")
17Mar1978 / show no 1307
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Larry Markes, John Shea, Ed Hider, Paul Pumpian, Martin A. Ragaway, Arthur Phillips, Mel Chase,
Robert L. Mills, Jay Burton, Stan Burns, David Axlerod.
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Dean roasts Jack Klugman
Guests:
Connie Stevens
Tony Randall
Dick Martin
LaWanda Page
Don Rickles
Joey Bishop
Katherine Helmond
Robert Guillaume
Milton Berle
Abbe Lane
Phyllis Diller
Red Buttons
Foster Brooks
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Ruth Buzzi
Kay Medford
*
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Associate Director Janice Buchanan
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Technical director Parker Roe
Assistants to the Producer Lynne Voeth
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Man of the Hour co-ordinator Kendis Rochlen
Stage Manager Jonathan Lucas
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Hairdresser Mari Loshin
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Bob Cadigan
Video tape editor Mario De Mambro
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean Martin: Our guest of honor was born in the city of Philadelphia. Now it's not easy growing up in Philadelphia,
crime there is so bad that if your not home by nine o'clock your wife can have you declared legally dead. He's still
a degenerate gambler, the other day at the racetrack we were both eating a hotdog, he said to me, "I bet I'll beat you
by half a length". He picked seven horses for me that day and they all lost. I finally picked a winner in the eighth,
but my horse was disqualified for having a battery under the saddle. Personally I believe the jockey's story, he said
the horse was hard of hearing.

Red Buttons: Ladies and gentlemen the question tonight is Why are we giving this slob a dinner? A man who has it in his
will he wants to be cremated and the ashes thrown into Tony Randall's face. Why then I repeat to reiterate are we
giving this card carrying slob a dinner. When some of the biggest people in the history of the world, never got a dinner.
Adam who said to Eve in the Garden of Eden, "Of all the people I know, I like you best", Dracula who said when they
drove a stake thru his heart, "I spell relief R-O-L-A-I-D-S", never got a dinner. The referee who said to Leon Spinks
in the ALi fight "No gumming in the clinches", never got a dinner. Ex-congressman Hayes who said, "If I am elected
again, I will hire a typist", William of Orange who said on his wedding night "Now that's what I call a navel!"
Medusa who said when she saw the snakes growing out of her head, "Look Ma, Phyllis Diller!" Never got a dinner.
Alex Haley the author of "Roots", who traced his family all the way back to the rear of the bus, never got a dinner.
Maury Xerox the inventor of the Xerox machine who said to his wife Zelda "Zelda Xerox, it's easy if you want another
baby make a copy of Irving." Never had a dinner. Anwar Sadat who said to Menachem Begin in Cairo, "No that's not a
camel, that's Dolly Parton lying on her back." Never got a dinner. [RF]

5.04 [47] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JIMMY STEWART
10May1978 / show no 1306
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Written by Harry Crane, Larry Markes, John Shea, Howard Albrecht, Sol Weinstein, Martin A. Ragaway, Arthur Phillips,
Mel Chase, Robert L. Mills, Jay Burton, Stan Burns, David Axlerod
Associate Producer Lee Hale
Creative Consultant Buddy Arnold
Production Supervisor Janet Tighe
Production Manager Roger Warnix
Associate Director Janice Buchanan
Art Director Robert Fletcher
Technical director Parker Roe
Assistants to the Producer Lynne Voeth
Lighting Director Vincenzo Cilurzo
Man of the Hour co-ordinator Kendis Rochlen
Stage Manager Jonathan Lucas
Production Associate Mack Gray
Makeup Harry Blake
Hairdresser Mari Loshin
Audio Pete San Filipo
Video Bob Cadigan
Video tape editor Mario De Mambro
Talent co-ordinator Henry Frankel
*
Dean roasts Jimmy Stewart
Guests:
Lucille Ball
June Allyson
Greer Garson
Red Buttons
Senator Barry Goldwater
LaWanda Page
Henry Fonda
Eddie Albert
Foster Brooks
George Burns
Tony Randall
Don Rickles
Rich Little
Janet Leigh
Milton Berle
Jesse White
Orson Welles
Mickey Rooney
Ruth Buzzi

Dean Martin: What a career this man has had. He first starred in pictures during that golden year of handsome leading men.
Jimmy there's very few of your kind left just you, Xavier Cugat, Lawrence Welk ... He's shy, last week back in Honolulu,
he was having lunch with Dolly Parton. When the waitress said, "What would you like in your coffee?" He said, "Nothing".
He was too shy to say two lumps. I don't know of a nicer guy then him. He's the only person I know who would interrupt
an orgy to ask if anyone wanted coffee or cake. Last night I took Jimmy to see "Hallejuah Hollywood" here at the MGM hotel,
one dancer came out topless, Jimmy ran up on the stage and tried to cover her up with his hat, fortunately he has a
small head. At the hotel here he has a room next to mine and I know everytime he's in a romantic mood, I can here his
wife Gloria snoring. He's such a poor soul, every night his wife makes him take out the garbage and he lives in a hotel!
There's a statue of Jimmy in the Wax Museum and the statue talks better than he does.

Milton Berle: Tonight ladies and gentlemen we are honoring Jimmy Stewart a man who has brought new meaning to the word
valium. That's it smile Jimmy, you look like a basset hound who forgot where he buried his bone. This man we are honoring,
this darling of the menopause set has been a giant in Hollywood for forty years.[RF]

5.05 [48] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: GEORGE BURNS
17May1978 / show no 1305
produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts George Burns
Guests:
Gene Kelly
Connie Stevens
James Stewart
Milton Berle
Jack Carter
Phyllis Diller
Ernest Borgnine
Joey Bishop
Norm Crosby
Euell Gibbons
Guy Marks
Jan Murray
Cliff Robertson
Lorne Greene
Sid Caesar
Amanda Blake
Victor Sen-Yung
Don Rickles
LaWanda Page
Abe Vigoda
Dom DeLuise
Ronald Reagan
Orson Welles
Charlie Callas
Ruth Buzzi

5.06 [49] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: BETTY WHITE
31May1978 / show no 1301
produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Betty White
Guests:
Peter Marshall
Allen Ludden
Jimmie Walker
Bonnie Franklin
Orson Welles
Red Buttons
Charlie Callas
LaWanda Page
Foster Brooks
Phyllis Diller
Rich Little
John Hillerman
Georgia Engel
Dan Haggarty
Milton Berle
Abe Vigoda

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
############## season 6 1978-79 ##############
##############################################

6.01 [50] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: SUZANNE SOMERS
21Nov1978 / show no 1403
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Suzanne Somers
Guests:
Milton Berle
Lorne Greene
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Audra Lindley
Norman Fell
Orson Welles
Norm Crosby
Lee Meriwether
Charlie Callas
Bernie Kopell
Red Buttons
LaWanda Page
Paul Anka
Ruth Buzzi
Tom Bosley
Rich Little
Jackie Gayle
Alan Hamill
Zsa Zsa Gabor

6.02 [51] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JOE NAMATH (II)
19Jan1979 show / no 1402
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Joe Namath (2nd roast)(1st roast 5Apr74)
Guests:
Joey Bishop
Bear Bryant
Slappy White
Dick Butkus
Corbett Monica
Angie Dickinson
Audrey Meadows
Charlie Callas
David Janssen
Nipsey Russell
Jim Plunkett
Don Meredith
Rich Little
Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Jack Carter
Weeb Eubank
Foster Brooks
Mel Tillis
Bernie Kopell
David Doyle and George Blanda.

[--] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast
THE BEST OF DEAN
11May1979 WNBC 104 min.
Guests:
Gene Kelly
Bob Newhart
Don Rickles
Orson Welles
Jimmy Stewart

Unforgettable moments from the star-studded TV shows of Dean Martin (1965-1974) with hosts Jimmy Stewart, Gene Kelly,
Don Rickles, Orson Welles, and Bob Newhart. [RF]

[--] DEAN MARTIN SPECIAL
13Dec1979 WNBC 52 min.
Shirley Jones, Dean Martin, Dom DeLuise, The Golddiggers, Ruth Buzzi

Host Dean Martin sings and clowns with Shirley Jones, Dom DeLuise, Ruth Buzzi and The Golddiggers in variety sequences
taped at San Diego locales. [RF]

######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
################ season 7 1984 ###############
################ (final season) ##############

7.01 [52] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: JOAN COLLINS ("Dynasty")
24Feb1984 show no
Produced by Lee Hale
Written by Harry Crane, Howard Albrecht, Stan Burns, Tom Finnigan, Bill Box, Jay Burton, Sol Weinstein, Tom Perew,
Greg Fields, Dennis Snee.
Directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Joan Collins
Guests:
John Forsythe
Aaron Spelling
Gavin MacLeod
Beatrice Arthur
Red Buttons
Phyllis Diller
Angie Dickinson
Charlie Callas
Rich Little
Anne Baxter
Don Rickles
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Dom DeLuise
Milton Berle
*
Associate Producer Janet Tighe
Production Supervisor Bill de Angelis
Art Director Charles Tomlinson
Associate Director Jonathan Lucas
Assistant to the Producer Peggy Maxwell
Lighting Director Don Nelson
Audio Pete San Filipo
Make Up Harry Blake
Production Manager Joel Hornstock
Video Tape Editor Jesse Hoke
*

Gavin MacLeod: As I look around, I think almost everyone on this dais has been a passenger on "The Love Boat", of
course Joan has sailed with us many times. Well you wouldn't believe how popular she is all over the world, in Trinidad
she was treated like a star, in Acapulco she was treated like royalty and in the Virgin Islands, she was treated like
a total stranger. And Dom DeLuise was scheduled for a cruise just last month unfortunately he had to cancel because of
a tragic development in his love life, his inflatible woman ran off with his spare tire. And the wonderful Red Buttons
has NEVER sailed with us but his wife told me that Red's alot like a cruise ship, he's old, he's slow and he only drops
anchor once a year. But when Joan sailed with us it was an experience the crew and I will never forget. The first
afternoon at sea, we found out just how sexy Joan Collins is, she accidentally fell overboard and the sharks swam up
to her with a bottle of champagne and a Sinatra record. And after we arrived back at port she was really something,
she got in line and went thru customs where they gave her a strip search, she got back in line six more times.

Phyllis Diller: She's had fifteen husbands, four of her own.

Red Buttons: Paul Revere who wore nothing but a raincoat and said, "I will flash one if by land, two if by sea."
Never got a dinner. Clint Eastwood's sex therapist who said to Clint, "Do it Any which way you Can but no Sudden Impact".
Alexander Graham Bell's wife who said to Alexander on their wedding night, "Sorry your three minutes are up".
Dr. Spock who said "Never raise your hands to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected". Never got a dinner. [RF]

7.02 [53] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: MR. T ("The A-Team")
14Mar1984 show no
Produced by Lee Hale
Written by Harry Crane, Tom Finnigan, Howard Albrecht, Sol Weinstein, Stan Burns, David Axelrod, Bill Box, Jay Burton
Directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Mr. T
Guests:
Bob Hope
George Peppard
Gary Coleman
Ann Jillian
Red Buttons
Rich Little
Ricky Schroeder
Gavin MacLeod
Slappy White
Dick Shawn
Howard Cosell
Maureen Murphy
Don Rickles
Nell Carter
*
Associate Producer Janet Tighe
Production Supervisor Bill de Angelis
Art Director Charles Tomlinson
Associate Director Jonathan Lucas
Assistant to the Producer Peggy Maxwell & Lynne Voeth
Lighting Director Bruce Nielsen
Audio Pete San Filipo
Technical Director Clay Jacobsen
Make Up Harry Blake
Production Manager Joel Hornstock
Video Tape Editor Jesse Hoke
*
Dean Martin: He's a master of karate, but why does he have to wear his black belt on his head? (He's not getting up is he?)
He was born and raised in Chicago, his mother had eleven children, he was four of them. You think Mr. T is tough,
his brother ran off once and married a tractor. He's a great believer in clean living, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't
drink and he doesn't party. No wonder he's so mean!

Red Buttons: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm with the B-Team, I'm here tonight to ask one question and one question alone.
Why, why are we giving this man a dinner? When some of the biggest people in the history of the world, never got a dinner.
Adam, Adam who said to Eve in the Garden of Eden, what do you mean you got nothing to wear? Never got a dinner.
Noah who said to his travel agent, "How come it never rains on Love Boat?" and he never got a dinner. Saint Christopher
who said, "Where can I buy a Frank Sinatra medal?" Sitting Bull who said to General Custer, "That's not my real name,
but who's going to listen to an Indian chief named Irving?" Elizabeth Taylor who said to Joan Rivers, "First we'll
eat then we'll talk". The doctor who deliver Mr. T, "He slapped me!" Never, never, never got a dinner! Michaelangelo's
girlfriend who said to Angelo, "Forget the paint, let's put a mirror on the ceiling." And Dick Clark's wife who said
on their honeymoon, "This is your third blooper tonight!" Never got a dinner.

Bob Hope: Thank you Dean, I'm so glad to be here, it's such a thrill to get such a glowing introduction from a host
with a glow on. I'm so happy to be here, when Mr. T invited me to be a guest at his roast, I couldn't turn him down,
that's because he's one of NBC's hottest new stars, he's great guy and I prefer to have knees that bend in one direction.
No he's hot, all the talk shows want him, Merv wants him to talk to him, Letterman wants him to talk to him, and
Johnny Carson wants him to talk to Joanna. Mr. T did our show in Hawaii, and I found that we have quite a few things
in common, we agree in almost everything, except barbers. And what a welcome we got when we landed in Honolulu, they
put a lei around Mr. T's neck and he ate it. He got alot of money from us for doing that show too that's because his
fist is as big as my agent.

Slappy White: I know Mr. T from Chicago and in his neighborhood the Avon lady would ring and run. But it's safe to go
thru his neighborhood at night, if your a bullet. [RF]

7.03 [54] Dean Martin Celebrity Roast: MICHAEL LANDON (II) ("Little House On The Prairie")
07Dec1984 show no
Produced and directed by Greg Garrison
Dean roasts Michael Landon (2nd roast) (1st roast 15May75)
Guests:
Melissa Gilbert
Vic Tayback
Maureen Murphy
Rich Little
Pat Harrington
Dick Butkus
Bubba Smith
Dick Shawn
Merlin Olsen
Lorne Greene
Norm Crosby
Orson Welles
Brian Keith
Don Rickles
Slappy White
 
######### Dean Martin Celebrity Roast ########
################## the end #################
##############################################

Have you any comments, corrections, episode titles, air dates, production numbers, directors, writers, story/synopsis, guest stars, cast lists, etc?
Have you any old videos, or tv guides? Dust them off and let us know if you have any information on this series or any other tv series from the
Golden Age of TV, which is missing from any episode guides on the web. Perhaps a certain episode of a particular series coincided with a key
moment in your life, or in world events - and or has left a vivid memory of when it was shown. Let us know. Would you like to see any other
tv series guides on this site? If so please e-mail The Classic TV Archive - see Feedback below.
This guide may be distributed and copied freely, in its entirety, for personal use. All original author and copyright information must
remain intact. Any sales or other uses of this document are expressly forbidden, without the specific consent of the author(s).
Copyright © The Classic TV Archive. All rights reserved.


Return to The Classic TV Archive Home Page
Feedback